Does anyone know who wrote this:

I play guitar and now it is time for me to go to the big leagues. My hair is in one the five styles approved of today. I have an extensive collection of hoodies, and I only shave every four point five days. Also, a collection of base ball caps, that I can turn sideways or even backwards and tee shirts with some other guy's clever words on them. I know all the stage gestures, and I can make the devil's horn sign with my index finger and pinky extended in the moments during breaks in the song.

I can jump around while I work my one hundred pedals, one pedal for each mood change in the music. My guitar strap is at the regulation length, so that my guitar hangs exactly over my crotch.

I need a manager who will get all my bookings and an audience of fans. Also, I need a drummer, a bass player, a singer, and someone to write songs for me while I begin writing the songs that I am sure will make me wealthy, because I have an Ipod and I know music.


Some people called me a processed cheese automaton, who only lives to feed the trend/music/media cliche/big corporate machine. But I believe that I am unique and an original god.

It's only a matter of time before the world realizes how special I am.

• it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests